Tuesday 19th of July 2005
Diving into the unknown
It has been a while since I actually tried to post something without already having in mind what to write about. Today I have decided it will be one such day.
Impromptu writing has never been my forte. When presented wich such a challenge, I generally sit and look at the white blankness of the paper for most of the allotted time I´ve been given for the task, and when there´s about 20 minutes left, for some reason, a spark lits up the fire, and I start writing frenetically, generally it just flows out, no need to even stop to behold what´s been written down, the last sentence paving the way for the next. But there´s a problem. I´m always out of time, so I just keep on writing as fast as I can, in a feeble attempt at actually finishing. It usually doesn´t work out, and I end up having to stich in some forced ending to actually finish it on time, and I turn into the hollywood of story writing, not a bad premise, but such a shitty execution and ending.
Maybe it´s a sign. And I´m not saying things shouldn´t be impromptu, I mean, what fun would there be about planning your whole life in advance? -I´m referring to the “not enough time” issue. Who says there isn´t? -lately I´ve been starting to give more credit to the belief that things should just be allowed to happen, unchecked and without constrains; the whole “if it´s meant to be, it´ll happen” ordeal. My line of thinking has generally been along the lines of “If it’s not meant to happen, I’ll make it meant to happen” -and, while it has worked in the past, I´ve come to the realization that it all seems like my forced endings. So brute. Shitty even.
I think the trick lies in not giving it a specific amount of time. Not giving it a set of expections. Not actually plotting a goal as your final target. Have a guideline, but just let it be. Feel. It´s probably just psychological, but the fact that i´m not jailed in by time or margins, allows me to freely reach the top of the plateau in more leasurely way. And since there are no worries about getting there quickly, no set boundaries, no haste whatsoever, you end up not locking yourself to a single idea. You look around. And it seems along the way you always end up finding a higher plateau than the one you originally set for, or thought existed.
This of course is not at all practical with some aspects of one´s life. But I think it´s doable with your personal and emotional life, to a big extent at least. It seems I´ve come to cherish more the situations that I didn´t actively try to make anything out of. The times that I didn´t force my ideals, or my expections, allowed those moments to reach levels that I couldn´t think of at the time, making them all that much better. And comfortable.
See, this is the magical thing about not setting a path to follow. You end up somewhere where you never thought you would. You can´t do that when you say “I want to go here“. We humans fight and wage wars over pretty much anything, mostly in the name of freedom, but we don´t free ourselves. We constantly emprison our minds with all this expectation crap. We´re so worried about getting there, faster, quicker; you don´t have time to enjoy the ride. There is all the time in the world.
This is all possibly a bit contradictory of me to say, I am, after all, scared of the passing time. Why would I go around wasting it? -simple, actually. Quality versus quantity.
Sunday 10th of July 2005
The need for more
Pulpo a feira: So. Damn. Good.
I definetly missed Galicia more than I thought I did. I missed the sea, the green pastures, the breathable air and, god, the food. The day I got here, first thing we did was go eat.
We decided to visit the Excalibur, a restaurant in Vigo owned by a second cousin. I have a lot of distant second and third cousins around here. Anyway, going back to the important stuff, the food, damn, it was so good. We had tapas of Octopus, Oisters and empanada gallega de Xoubiñas. To accompany such greatness we got some white wine.
Yesterday I spent the day first shopping for clothes, and I finally got around buying some shoes. My first Adidas, woohoo. Then we just walked around Vigo. I only lived here for 6 months, so I’m always feeling like I missed out on it whenever I’m around. I need more time. I leave in only four hours, and wish I had an extra week.
I’m going to miss the sunset over the sea.
Monday 4th of July 2005
Fireworks and probes
Today it´s the birthday of the “land of the free, home of the brave” also known as the United States. Even though in my possibly not so humble opinion, America is anything but free and in the past few years incresingly so. I seem to appreciate the “freedom” ideal as a lot of nationalistic conditioning and an oversimplification of “the world” as seen from within the US itself. I may be generalizing, and I apologize for that, but it seems to me that a lot of people in the States don´t realize that there´s a lot more out there than just the American way of life, and when you only know one way of life, you are forced to believe it´s the best. I am, however, compelled to reach out and congratulate all Americans on this day.
Not because I like where it is going right now, or it´s current political scene, but because of it´s people, of the Americans I´ve met and due to the friendships that they have offered me. In my experience, I´ve found the greastest extremes in the “land of free”, and as such, whilst there is some shitty people, there is also some of the greatest. I believe America does have the potential to be the very best in possibly all aspects, and I invite you all to look at world, read some of it´s history, and apply it. Don´t make the same mistakes we made, let us all grow from them. The road is paved, let us all walk on it.
I´m really not trying to be condescending, and I have probably failed at that, but I say it because I love you. And love hurts sometimes. Bear in mind I do say it with the bestest of intentions.
Now, let´s watch fireworks! from space even! Happy fourth of July everyone!