Tuesday 7th of June 2005

Pasta alla carbonara

There´s been a few people that have asked me how I make pasta alla carbonara, including Alex asking me to marry him after trying it last night, and although it was a most adoring proposal, I´d rather just give him the recipe.

I have learned this from my father, with just a few personal modifications from my part, so all appraisals should go to him. I´m just merely able to follow instructions correctly.

I find that carbonara has always been a victim a various different interpretations, each different person swearing that they have the one true recipe. There´s people that like to add onions, some that don´t, some that like to add panna da cucina (cream basically) and some that don´t, people that prefer it to more dry than others, et cetera; while most American interpretations I´ve seen take out the eggs completely using only cream, not even panna.

I have decided there is not a true, single way of making it, although it should always have eggs in my opinion. Why close all the doors behind you, when you can leave them all open and retreat to any of them in case of need, as well as enjoying a nicer breeze while at it? -In that spirit, I will tell you how I make it, but feel free to experiment adding onions, et cetera. Just make sure you cook the pasta al dente, and don´t you dare cut the damn spaghetti. I can feel the disturbance in the force when you do, and I will come for you.

What need you?

• 1 egg for the pot, plus 1 per person. (so, if it was for four people, i´d use 5 eggs).
• 100 grams of pasta per person (use long pasta such as spaghetti, linguini, et cetera).
• 1 tablespoon of grated parmesan cheese per egg. (very full ones).
• Half a clove of garlic per 4 eggs.
• 80 grams of pancetta or bacon if you can´t find any, per egg.
• 10 grams of butter.
• Half a tablespoon of panna da cucina per egg, optionally. (Italian stores people!).
• Extra virgin olive oil, parsley, salt and pepper to taste.

What do you?

1. Peel the garlic, and slice it all the long way. Cut the bacon into small cubes.
2. Get a pot out, fill it up with water and set it to boil. Make sure to add a salt to the water.
3. Add the butter to a frying pan, set it to mid-high heat. Once it has melted, add some olive oil and shove the garlic in. Give it a minute, and add the pancetta. Give some generous pepper treatment and add salt as well. Stir this mixture of magnificent and delectable godliness until the garlic is golden and the pancetta “cooked”, not crisp. You will begin to notice an enchanting smell, this is normal and expected. (Americans like expected things in instructions).
4. Brake the eggs into a bowl, add parsley, salt and pepper. Beat the eggs like a mad man. Add the cheese and the panna if you decided to go with it. Beat it some more. Take a step back and admire your beating prowess. Call a friend and rave about it.
5. Once the water has reached it´s boiling point, add the pasta. Cook it for exactly however long it is stated on the package. Do not cook it any longer or any less. Your genitals will wither and shrivel up to oblivion if you do.
6. Once the pasta is done, strain the water out and in the same pot where you boiled the pasta, add the garlic/pancetta mixture of magnificent and delectable godliness, the savagely beaten eggs and mix it with the pasta until it becomes “glazed”. Add more olive oil, salt and pepper as you need. If you happen to have some fresh basil laying around, add some for vanity purposes.
7. Serve and be amazed. Remember to feed your friends.

Epilogo: non me ne frega niente come la fanno gli altri, mi piace come la faccio io. Also, let it be known that I do like Americans. I think they´re cute. Grazie.

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